One fish, two fish,
Red fish, blue fish
...
Some are sad, and some are glad,
And some are very, very bad
...
Today is gone. Today was fun.
Tomorrow is another one.
- Dr. Seuss
My body snaps from one emotion to another, to one feeling and back. One day I'm fine: no urges, no triggers. I feel confident in myself, who I am becoming, and where I want to be. The next day I purge, feeling relief sink into me, releasing the pent up feelings of anger, aggression fear and depression. The following day I want to purge but don't because I have a selfish reason, more incentive, not to. Urges persist and grow like wildfire, burning paths through my mind, leaving scars as they turn my willpower into ash. As the hours drag on these thoughts, desires, continue to plague me. As a result I restrict my food intake trying to compensate, trying to contain the flames. Although my "wise mind" tells me I shouldn't, tells me to stop, I repeat the restricting cycle: every meal consuming less than my meal plan requires, less than what is necessary for proper nourishment. Pride and the feeling of success well up inside me and I become engulfed by this overwhelming sense of calm, peace. I am able to relax. I am back.
Irrational Danielle: 29,378 Logic: 7
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