Recovery, relapse, retreat, resist
Regurgitate, resume, reject, repeat
Redirect, rephrase, relive, relieve
Rationalize, reason, repress, resent
Recluse, resume, reduce, restrict
I feel as if I'm at a fork in the road - actually it's more of a "y". On one side there's recovery: the pathway to a new, revived life. On the other there's the seduction of relapse: being pulled back into the darkness which has been my life, my comfort, for the past five years. Like a magnetic force it draws my curiosity toward it. If I plummet even further into the abyss what might I get out of it? Where might I go? Could it be better, more attractive, than recovery? It's certainly more unpredictable, more of a thrill. What am I looking for; what will satisfy my hunger?
I'm staring at my potential paths and am in complete disbelief and shock at reality: I've taken more steps toward the dark, the possibilities derived from the unknown. This isn't the girl I know - who am I becoming? The fact that I am sitting here writing this almost proves to myself that I've already made my decision. I wanted to act like I needed a pro/con list of sorts - like I needed to debate my choices and rationalize before making the final decision. But it's too late isn't it...
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